When I first opened my course pack to begin my reading for the break, I didn’t know what to expect. At first, I wasn't sure of what to look for or focus on, but as I began to read, ideas and themes were much simpler to pinpoint than I had expected. While creation was the most obvious theme to notice, destruction and questioning seemed to be the backbone of each story. If I’m being completely honest, that surprised me. I didn't expect there to be so much destruction and questioning, in stories about creation. These themes have a direct connection to the ideas we discussed in “Renaissance Self Fashioning,” they are just presented in a much different way. Unlike the novels by Stephen Greenblatt and A.O. Scott, the creation stories seem to be presented in a straightforward manner. In a way, there are fewer ideas up for interpretation by the reader than there were in Scott and Greenblatt.
The story that struck me the most was Book IV of “Paradise Lost.” Satan is enraged that he lost the battle in Heaven, so he plans to go to Eden to destroy mankind. He disguises himself as an Angel and approaches Eden. The next part of the story is what surprised me more than anything else I read. Satan, an evil, unmatched destructive force, starts to think as a man would. He questions himself, his worth, and his mission. Satan is Hell, and even if he actively tries to change, he will always be Hell, and God will never trust him. As he questions himself, his disguise begins to wear off, and his true colors show. After reading this story, I immediately related it to a quote and idea from “Renaissance Self Fashioning.” Augustine said, “Try to build up yourself, and you build a ruin.” Surprisingly, this quote holds true for this story of Satan. Satan attempted to be something he was not and it ultimately led to his demise. Satan wanted nothing more than to be allowed in Heaven, but he knew Hell would always be with him no matter how hard he tried to fight it. Moving forward, making connections will be essential to my understanding of the texts. Approaching the reading over break was much simpler than approaching the summer reading because I was able to think about the slew of ideas we have discussed in-depth over the last three months. If I keep focusing on these ideas and themes (questioning, destruction, discovery, etc.), I truly believe I will be on a path for success with these texts.
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Up to this point, I feel like I have accomplished so much in my time taking AP Lit. I have seen the most improvement in my thinking. My ability to interpret difficult ideas at the beginning of the year was nowhere near where my abilities are today. Whether it is analyzing AO Scott or Stephen Greenblatt, I am able to look much deeper than the surface (which is something I could not do before taking this class). I credit a lot of my success to the decision I made to switch into a class where I was much more comfortable. My growth as a thinker is, in part, because of that decision. Comfort with being wrong and classmates who support me day in and day out has made my learning even more rewarding.
I chose to include the two images of my CPB pictured above because I believe they are a great representation of my growth that I discussed earlier in my blog post. The first image is from very early in the school year when we were writing QTTA’s for “Renaissance Self-Fashioning.” At the time, I thought I did a solid job of diving into the text and writing meaningful questions, but when I reflect on those questions two months later I realize not only how simple the answers to them were, but how far I was from finding the true meaning of the text. The second image is from about a week ago when we were asked to analyze and question different aspects of Greenblatt’s “10 Conditions for Self-Fashioning.” The ideas I wrote and questions I asked were about the same topic as the first image but are nothing alike. That is because the second image is what the text is truly about, whereas the first image is questions from the surface. Although the questions in the first image are not “wrong,” they are not as deep and meaningful as I am capable of asking, and the second image proves that. My growth as a learner is evident, and I hope to make even more strides as the year progresses. Going into the second term and second semester, my learning goals remain the same. I want to continue to improve as a speaker and work on my ability to bring in evidence in my writing and group discussions. I have always been able to make valid claims, but this year has helped me learn how to support the validity of my claims with text and reasoning. Overall, I feel like I have had a productive year thus far and that I am on track to succeed in AP Lit. We have been analyzing the same texts for many weeks now, so new readings in the future will be a great test for me to see if my improvements are really as strong as I believe they are. Each time we revisit a text I see it through a different lens and develop a deeper meaning and understanding that I did not know I was capable of. |
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